Samantha Burns has this little post as to why women are happier than men. It's obviously all meant in good fun, and only a churl would take offense at it. Only a bore would take it as an invitation to rejoinder and Fisk the thing.
Well, get your sleep masks, cause I'm gonna bore you. It's all meant with love, Sam:
1. the kitchen's all ours
You're welcome to it.
2. we get control of the wedding plans and we get to look the best at our wedding
Which means you get all the stress of picking flowers, picking dresses, picking DJ's, arguing with both mothers, deciding on a flavor for the top layer of the cake, deciding whether Uncle Jeff-Bob should be seated next to Cousin Marguerite, etc.
I get to show up on the day with my tux. Again, if this is your idea of victory, I surrender.
3. chocolate makes up for orgasms that men rarely give us
regular orgasms, chocolate; regular orgasms, chocolate...oooh, is this a toughie.
4. reading men is like reading an open book, whereas men can never understand women
If we're so easy to read, why do you feel the need to ask us so many questions?
5. we can get into a popular bar much easier than men; we just show some cleavage
You have me here. Long have I ached to stand in line several times a night to pay $6 for a bottle of Yuengling.
6. we don't fart, we fluff
Okay, your fluffs smell.
7. we know how to colour coordinate
Woman, please. This is the 21st century. We can all match our browns and our blues. Guys that you see going around un-spiffed-up are in their lounging-about clothes. And from the sights of some women who continually squeeze themselves into too-small garments, pseudo-poding around in spandex shorts with "Juicy" written on the butt and flip-flops, I don't think y'all's edge in this area is as vast as you think it is.
8. we can build a man's ego just by asking him to open a jar
Again, how are we the losers here?
9. we get doors opened for us
Round my parts, everybody opens doors for everybody else. I open doors, and I get doors opened. It's a brave new world.
10. we're not as hairy and we don't have to shave our faces
Nope, just legs and bikini zone. I'll take the face, thanks. And I think we all know that just because you don't shave your face, doesn't mean there's nothing there...
11. we aren't too chicken to ask for directions
Frankly, asking for directions is overrated. Sometimes, when you're completely turned around, it's of value, but in most of my experience the people you stop to and ask have no idea a) how to get to your destination, and b) how to pronounce your destination, because they can't speak English. This hardly constitutes help.
12. scratching ourselves is not an hourly event in our lives
Your loss, babe.
13. we can do two things at once: comprehend what someone tells us while we're watching tv, or pack a baby on our hips with a toddler holding our other hand and push a shopping cart while checking our grocery list and getting the cheapest, best products off the shelf.
I'm going to divide these, for easy conquest, into three parts:
1) You may be able to comprehend what's being said, but the end result is a series of annoying questions about the TV show/movie directed at those of us who prefer to do one thing at a time ("What's happening?" "Whose that?" "Hey, isn't that the guy from that movie that we saw that one time?")
2) Okay, okay. That is handy.
3) See response to "color co-ordination" above, substituting "read a price," for "match browns and blues,". Guys that you see wandering around like stunned children at the supermarket are there with their wives, who always ask their hubs for input and then ignore it. Eventually we learn to daydream about the aspects of our lives we actually have some power to make decisions about, and wait until its over.
Wow...that was...cathartic...
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