My Dear Wobgrist,

Please accept this small note of congratulations at your latest coup with your human. The Lowerarchy has been seeking for some time to undue the pernicious influence of this man, Andrew Sullivan. How monotonously he rings out clearly against moral surrender to theocrats and thugs! Too tedious to recount, really. But you have really made him string himself up. I applaud you.


So tell me, Wobgrist, how did you get him to endorse a gas tax? How did you get a man to endorse making more expensive a substance that his fellow countryment depend on, but he does not? How did you get him to argue that the solution to solving a fiscal crisis caused by greedy overspending is to increase the amount taken from those who produce?


Never mind. I know exactly how you did it, and much does it please my emptiness. You have nicely played on his urbanity, from which two delights follow: 1) blindness to the rapaciousness of Caeser, at least so far as go the efforts of Caeser that he approves of (I mean, to believe that such would be a "wartime gas tax," which would disappear when the war did! Really, Wobgrist, you tickle me!), 2) disdain for non-urbanites. He'd deny this, of course, but one can see it clearly in this little passage:

Others say it penalizes those in remote and rural areas. So what? Very few taxes are perfect, and our electoral system — with its over-representation of big agricultural states in the Senate — already pampers the rural. I'd gladly exchange a gas-tax hike for abolition of agricultural subsidies. Any takers in Iowa?)

In other words, the bloody farmers can just pay up. How dare the people who grow our food and have nothing to do with the mismanagement of publis resources (as if this fool is unaware the most "subsidies" go to big players, not small farmers. A perfect blindness for you to exploit) expect an exemption from the cost of "repairing" it. Meanwhile, the professional writer and opinion-holder, belonging to the class that has argued for and defended every silly, expensive institution the American humans have established over the last 100 years, pays nothing. And of course he takes refuge in the arrogance of the "lone voice" when most folk disagree with him!


All this, Wobgrist, from a man who claims to advocate federalism (the humans' term for subsidiarity, and one far less clear, which is why we support it)! I and the Lowearchy are always pleased when we weaken the humans love of their humbler brethren and expand their passion for grand institutions, for trusting in Caeser's providence. For one thing, it is entirely contrary to what the enemy commands of them, and for another, divinizing Caeser is always in our interests. It weakens fortitude, and strenghtens pride, and the food created is of a most succulent kind.


We must, of course, expand on this. Have you considered suggesting to your human other things that he does not use that should be taxed? How about diapers? They're made from petrochemicals you know. After all, don't the filthy breeders owe it to those that make no children?




Your proud sponsor,



Toadpipe